Discipline

"But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry." -2 Timothy 4:5


Ministry. That's one of those things that I want but I don't know how to get. I want to be like a youth group leader or something, but I "don't have time for it." Literally. Without dropping something, I don't have time for it. So it's one of those things that I pray in circles about. I want the guidance, but I don't, at the same time. :/


In other news....I submitted an application for an apartment this week! I'm a big kid now!


Academically, this week has been ridiculous. Even to the point of being mildly stressful (even for me! And I don't care about school that much!). And to all those who had to deal with slight crabbiness, sorry. 


And also I miss Josh (it's been 3 weeks!) and I miss my mules (it's been 5 days!). And I'm ready to get out of here. So tomorrow afternoon I'm bailing on my classes and getting the heck home!


I finished up reading the New Testament this week. That was fun. And I was really excited to read Isaiah. Well. It's now day 2. And...Isaiah is not "easy to read" like Philippians, for example. I have 2 Bibles open right now. TWO! One so I can write notes in, and one so I can read the footnotes and understand what's happening, because this would have no purpose if I didn't understand it. This is the most self-disciplined I've ever been in my life. It would be neater if this was 9 pm instead of 12:30 am, but if I wasn't exhausted, then it wouldn't be discipline anymore.

Hahaha, if I studied this hard for school...well, I'd have no friends cause I'd be a nerd. However, what's this studying for if I don't apply it? Next week's goal: Affect people positively rather than negatively.

Learning to Unbelieve

"I urge you, brothers (and sisters), for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them." -Romans 16:17

Paul was the man. When he was converted, he just ran around telling everyone about how awesome his God was, and confronting the cultures about their corrupt ways and how they should be changed. This is a really hard thing to do! Here I am, trying to not become corrupt by my surroundings, and I'm so busy trying to hold my ground that I can't hardly even begin to confront others. And as far as keeping away from those that cause divisions.... those that cause divisions...are those to whom we are drawn. In my case, anyway. Or maybe I'm causing the divisions...I am sorta self-destructive by nature.


...


I'm writing this as I catch up on the sermon I missed Sunday from my church in Ames (I went home this weekend). And the sermon is about learning to unbelieve, and the first thing the pastor talks about is this book of "Sunday School myths":


10 Dumb Things Smart Christians Believe - by Larry Osborne


1. Faith can fix anything
2. Forgiving means forgetting
3. A godly home guarantees godly kids
4. God has a blueprint for my life
5. Christians shouldn't judge
6. Everything happens for a reason
7. Let your conscience be your guide
8. God brings good luck
9. A valley means a wrong turn
10. Dead people go to a better place


And I get it. We need to learn to "unbelieve" these things we've learned and been taught. And live in the Light of God's truth. 

Prayer

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful."~Colossians 4:2

A well-worn Bible

A well-worn Bible with my personal notes and markings (mostly from church sermons)

Random verses that I'm memorizing/have memorized...
they're posted everywhere on my side of the room

I love Francis Chan. At 1 am, knowing I have to get up at 7, I'd rather watch one of his sermons than sleep. But this brings up something about my nature that I struggle with: I've been listening and reading a lot lately, and very good about my Bible reading schedule, I go to church every week and watch sermons I miss (since I'm in 2 churches but can only go to one/week) but my prayer life is... sketchy.


Sad day. Because when I pray, and I don't mean the two-minute-end-of-the-day wrap-up, I pray. It's...a gift. Something I'm good at, and not afraid to do in front of others. Of course, verbal communication would be my gift haha!


But when I do something "bad," on purpose, I get to "hiding" from God, in a way. And then I start avoiding prayer a bit. And then little by little...I stop. Not totally, I still have that one end-of-the-day prayer. But the praying all day bit...It's gone. And I feel the absence, but I'm not sure how to get it back.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z1V7X3o03Ds


"If you want to humble a man, why don't you ask him about his prayer life?" -Chan


I just told you about my prayer life. How's yours?

I'm beautiful in my way, cause God makes no mistakes

"I tell you that...there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."~Jesus, Luke 15:7

How many of you are familiar with the story of the prodigal son? The first definition (for prodigal) that comes up on google is "a recklessly extravagant consumer." I don't know about you, but if you're in America (like me), this probably describes you (like it describes me).


My Bible heads the story "The Parable of the Lost Son." Here it is: Luke 15:11-32....


 ¹¹ Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. ¹² The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
   ¹³ “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴ After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵ So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶ He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
   ¹⁷ “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.
   “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
   ²¹ “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
   ²² “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
   ²⁵ “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ²⁷ ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
   ²⁸ “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. ²⁹ But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. ³⁰ But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
   ³¹ “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. ³² But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”


I bring this up for a few reasons, so bear with me.


1. The verse up top: Luke 15:7 came from a (Francis Chan, of course) sermon that I was listening to last night. I really need to branch out but there are 75 more sermons by Francis Chan on the database I found, so for the next 3 months anyway, that's who I'm listening to/reading/sharing with you fine folks.


Anyway, the sermon was "God's Love For Messed-Up People." And that pretty much describes the 35 minutes. And that pretty much describes me. Not that I love messed-up people, but that I am one. One thing Chan mentioned was that the self-righteous people are the ones who are least likely to repent (as opposed to "hard-core" sinners). I hope that I am not self-righteous, although I know that pride is one of my...downfalls...even though I'm too "proud" to think so!




2. (And this is supposed to be reasons for sharing the story of the lost son)


This story came up last week. My dad, Josh, and I were on a walk, and we were talking about my brother. It really bothers Dad (I think) that Chris is turning out the way he is: a rebellious hellion. I'm pretty sure he (subconsciously) sees it as partially his own fault. On one hand, I think so. But that's because I saw this all coming a loooong time ago, and things were a little different. On the other hand, I think they (Dad and Mom...I guess I'll include her too) did everything they could. I mean, they really didn't treat him any differently than me, he just...reacted differently, for lack of better words. And it sort of makes sense: everyone is different and reacts differently.


So we're walking along and Dad's sharing how he feels that things will turn around....I should back up a step. I see the world through "uncolored" eyes and so I've seen things in Chris that I didn't like from day one. Fact. My parents did not. They saw with "colored" eyes and maybe still do. But they see more reality now as Chris's actions become more rebellious.


So we're walking along and Dad's sharing how he feels that things will turn around. Eventually. And I recently read Luke, so I piped up, "Yeah, like the prodigal son." And so we talked about how the father in the story is so happy to see his son return, and Dad was saying he's sure that will happen someday. But first Chris will have to go through a lot more shit. And knowing Chris like I do, I'm sure our family will be living out this story.


3. I want to be a youth group leader/minister when I grow up. Or now. Whenever the opportunity arises. And this is one of the sermons that I want to preach because it's so awesome! This son goes off and squanders everything he has, and when he comes back, his father is soooo happy to see him! What an amazing story. It is never too late to return to our Father. And He'll always take us back, no matter what! Wrapping us up in His love with a joy that nothing can compare to!


So remember that if you're a sinner like me. :)


ps, the blog title comes from the new Lady Gaga song, "Born This Way," and I'd highly recommend that we all live by every lyric in the song!

Praise the God who gives...and takes away

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." ~Hebrews 11:1

So there have been a few times in the past year when I've thought about how my life would be different if I were single. And there have always been aspects that I've been slightly envious of in single people. For one, I wouldn't have to hear the lectures about how "you're so busy and you're never home!"


And I've always been able to remind myself of what I have. Josh is the most wonderful man I could ever ask for, in fact, I would never think of asking for him if it hadn't just happened, because he's waaay out of my league. And of course we're so far into the wedding planning, I'm game to just keep going. But it takes two being all in to make it work.


And now, due to no fault of my own, ironically, he's thinking about calling it quits. We just want different things all of a sudden, and he's done working with it. I'm not going to hold him back, he has that right, we aren't married yet. And I'm looking at the single life a hell of a lot different now that I'm so close. I can't find one single aspect of it that I'm okay with. It could be that the biggest trial of my life is right around the corner. 


Just as I was about to post this, "Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns came on my iTunes. So ironic. And maybe prophetic?

a good time to blog about this

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."~1 John 3:18

Valentine's Day. Bothers me. So much. I guess I think it's dumb how it's such a big deal. We spend so much money on cards and flowers so we can celebrate "love" this one day a year. Well I'm sorry, but this year I spent $.99 on an adorable card and called it good. And Josh won't even be getting his card on time because I haven't mailed it yet. I'll probably just hand it to him the next time I see him, which is 2-3 weeks from now. 


I don't even like the kinds of flowers stores sell (red roses especially turn me off); hopefully I've got Josh trained by now to not get me the same things as everyone else. I realize that because of his sweet nature, he'll probably get me something. That's cute. As long as it's not expensive and/or flowers. 


The thing that bothers me the most about Valentine's Day is that it's the one day a year people think it's okay to stick their tongues down each others' throats. For extended periods of time. In public. With lots of people around. Newsflash: that will never be okay. Ever. 


And as far as Valentine's Day being "a day to appreciate love" or some such crap: that's bullshit. I either want appreciation evenly distributed over 365 days/year or none at all. Anniversaries are a good time to celebrate love in an extra special way. That's the only time it should be predictable. Otherwise, I want a random homeade gift at a random time.


And let's all rub it in that if you're single, you're worthless! Way to go Hallmark, Kay's Jewelers, etc!


Whether you're married, dating, single, whatever...celebrate the holiday in a classy way. And keep your tongues in your own mouths when I'm around, and I'll do the same for you. Thanks! 

How to serve?

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."-Ephesians 2:10

Wow. So I'm at work right now, since we got the morning off school, this is me being productive. And I'm listening to a sermon by Francis Chan. A sermon titled: "What Every Christian Needs to Do Part 4/5-Serve." And wow.


I'm so inspired right now, but I don't know what to do. I literally stopped what I was doing to write this. 


How would you feel if only half of your body was working? Only half to two-thirds of the Church serves. Guess who's in the minority, like always? Yeah. Me. Wow. Wake up call!


How can I serve the Church? I mean, don't get me wrong, but how can I serve? This is something I've struggled with since last summer. It started off when I started going to 2 church services on Sundays-the church my parents attend followed directly by the church that Josh has always attended. And I was so stretched out, and stressed out because my Sunday was so crowded. I was discovering new opportunities at my "new" church while struggling to break ties, in a sense, with my "old" church.


Things got easier when the preacher left my old church. I mean, it sucked-I literally still went to that church because he was there, and I miss him a lot. But also, it was the perfect opportunity to become strictly an occasional visitor to that church. So naturally, when I started only attending one church, Sundays got better. But I still don't know how to serve.


And now I go to a church in Ames every Sunday I'm up here. A church I love. So I attend two churches regularly, even listening to the sermons online of whatever church I missed, but I still don't know how to serve. It's nice only going to one church every week, but it's still frustrating to essentially miss church half the time.


So I guess to prevent me from driving myself crazy, I'm asking you to pray for opportunities for me to serve the Church. Because I can't stand not being productive, and as long as I'm not serving the Church, I'm not being productive. Thanks, and much love to all  :)


ps-I'm sure the opportunity will present itself as soon as I slow down a bit in school...or graduate...haha, maybe that's what we should direct our prayers to!