Life Adjustments

Who cares if you disagree? You are not me. Who made you king of anything?-Sara Bareilles

So I haven't blogged in awhile. 2 primary reasons. 1. I'm legitimately busy. 2. I don't want people looking at my life right now, one of my close friends said my life closely resemble's Annie's from the movie Bridesmaids. No objection there.


I'm a mess, why hide it? I got dumped a month before my wedding, no big deal. I didn't hardly blink an eye about that. Seriously, not a big deal, and I'm fine with that. 


But I didn't realize that in breaking off our engagement Josh meant to break off our friendship. That thought didn't cross my mind for a while, and didn't actually set in until earlier this week, when I realized that I was supposed to be a wife right now, and I've got nobody. And it's been a huge adjustment. With company of good friends I'm making the adjustment.


Of course, I avoid pain at all costs. So in order to not feel any of my sad emotions take over, I've done everything in the book short of taking drugs. A couple weeks ago I got a tattoo after thinking about it for 2 days. Last night I got legitimately drunk for the first time. Don't get me wrong, it was really fun. For me. Maybe not for other people. I was having a blast...I kept catching the balls in beer pong (they let me keep playing cause I was wearing sexy cutoffs I think) and when it came time to leave I didn't want to go, so my babysitter came and picked me up and carried me out. 


When I stop to think about my behavior problems, I see that it looks like I'm falling apart. But I'm not. I'm finding out who I am. Don't judge me, because I never judge you either.