Life Adjustments

Who cares if you disagree? You are not me. Who made you king of anything?-Sara Bareilles

So I haven't blogged in awhile. 2 primary reasons. 1. I'm legitimately busy. 2. I don't want people looking at my life right now, one of my close friends said my life closely resemble's Annie's from the movie Bridesmaids. No objection there.


I'm a mess, why hide it? I got dumped a month before my wedding, no big deal. I didn't hardly blink an eye about that. Seriously, not a big deal, and I'm fine with that. 


But I didn't realize that in breaking off our engagement Josh meant to break off our friendship. That thought didn't cross my mind for a while, and didn't actually set in until earlier this week, when I realized that I was supposed to be a wife right now, and I've got nobody. And it's been a huge adjustment. With company of good friends I'm making the adjustment.


Of course, I avoid pain at all costs. So in order to not feel any of my sad emotions take over, I've done everything in the book short of taking drugs. A couple weeks ago I got a tattoo after thinking about it for 2 days. Last night I got legitimately drunk for the first time. Don't get me wrong, it was really fun. For me. Maybe not for other people. I was having a blast...I kept catching the balls in beer pong (they let me keep playing cause I was wearing sexy cutoffs I think) and when it came time to leave I didn't want to go, so my babysitter came and picked me up and carried me out. 


When I stop to think about my behavior problems, I see that it looks like I'm falling apart. But I'm not. I'm finding out who I am. Don't judge me, because I never judge you either.

New post

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. -Hebrews 11:1 (I think but didn't check)

One of my friends got on my case for not blogging in a month. Well...I've been busy. A quick summary: finished up all my wedding plans; dead week week, went to Oregon for soil judging; finals week...somehow failed most of my exams and kept a 3.5 gpa (I know how to work the system); then Tulip Time; just this past week- wisdom teeth removal; died and came back to life (seriously, but that's a story for another time); went to my fiance's college graduation and had a blast; had marriage counselling; got dumped after 4 years; and moved into my apartment by myself yesterday. And here I am. And I'm fine (still in shock) but even when I go through the grieving stage, I'll be fine. I never imagined that every song Taylor Swift ever wrote could apply to me, but they clearly do.


Liz, this is dedicated to you. :p

I'm in love with Judas, baby!

So last Friday Lady Gaga released her new single, Judas. Shockingly, many people were offended. Okay, not shockingly. But still. It irritates me. Probably because I basically never get offended.


But the main reason it annoys me when people get all riled up is because it's always "Christians." In this case. Gaga offended many religious groups with her song Judas. I'm not sure how, as it's about a Christian who loves sinning. Um.....don't we all?  I mean, it's time to step up to the plate Christians-Jesus is the only one who's never sinned! We all sin, whether accidentally or on purpose, we like what we're doing!


So if you're a Christian, you should really be thinking about whether you're hard-hearted like the Pharisees of Jesus's day or soft-hearted and willing to address your sin, which is what you believe in if you really follow Jesus.

So it's been a while...

~"Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal."-Isaiah 26:4


As I sit here avoiding typing my lab report for a class I despise and a professor whom I can't find nice things to say about, I realized it had been 3 weeks since I wrote anything. Oops.


I just came across the bulletin from church yesterday, and I scribbled all over the back of it. Before I throw it out, I'm going to share what I took for notes. 


1. agape is love. It is NOT touchy-feely "love," but it is the love that Jesus had for us-an attitude adjustment, a committment. 
2. kosmos is the Greek word for "world." To go into a greater depth, kosmos is an entity that is at complete enemity with God, a God-hating world. 
With this in mind, read John 3:16. "For God so agaped the (God-hating) world that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."
I hope that's powerful for you, because it was for me. 


Well I don't have a whole lot of thoughts right now. The thoughts I have at this moment are mostly about school and how much I hate every class I'm taking this semester except for one. Well...maybe 2. My two electives. But I hate Geology, Meteorology, Psychology, and Horticulture. Horticulture is the class I'm despising right now. It'll only take me an hour or so to write my 13 page lab report...but that's because I do half-ass, actually less than half-ass, work for professors I can't stand.


On the positive side, I rode my mule last week, so that's always beneficial for my health and the health of those around me. Cause I'm more tolerable when my needs have been met. ;)


A picture of me at my finest (well sort of...finest would be a real nice trail somewhere, but for some reason nobody ever has a camera on them)

Reasoning

"'Come now, let us reason together,' says the Lord. 'Though you sins are like scarlet, they shall as be white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.'"-Isaiah 1:18


What a concept. I discovered this verse last night when I was running through my favorite verses of Isaiah (so far). 


It seems ridiculous, to me, that God-who is perfect, who is everything good, powerful, awesome, all-knowing-would want to 'reason together' with me. Which makes me think, what did they think back then? I mean, here's this crazy dude (Isaiah) in this society that's so f-ed up they don't even realize it, and he's telling them that God wants to make a deal, that if they clean up their act they can be completely forgiven and made white as snow. What a crazy idea!


I have an advantage on them-I know Jesus. I know that in this verse, God is talking about shedding His innocent blood...to make my life pure again. 


But still...when I come across a verse like this, I just have to stop and think for a moment about how incredible this is for me to believe today. I know it's true, God forgives and washes me clean every day, but it's hard to forgive myself, and to see myself as something that's new.

The Manifesto of a Little Monster

"Have we not all one Father? Did not one God create us? ..."-Malachi 2:10

Confession: I adore Lady Gaga. I am a Little Monster for sure...I have all her music, a few of her better videos, a T-shirt, and a Gaga Halloween costume. I think she is fantastic. Her songs are well-written, have good beats, and, in the case of many, impart a good message. But my favorite part about Lady Gaga is her videos...each one more "edgy" than the rest. I did not particularly care for the "Alejandro" video, I like to pretend that didn't happen, but as soon as I got out of class yesterday I came back to watch "Born This Way." And I was not disappointed.


Let me introduce you, if you haven't seen it yet. I think it's amazing-the way it opens up, the disgustingness of some scenes, Gaga's lovely...dancing... and I am partial to the skeleton scenes and the pop culture scenes (Madonna anyone?). Viewer Discretion Advised...as if you'll take caution, ha!

Discipline

"But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry." -2 Timothy 4:5


Ministry. That's one of those things that I want but I don't know how to get. I want to be like a youth group leader or something, but I "don't have time for it." Literally. Without dropping something, I don't have time for it. So it's one of those things that I pray in circles about. I want the guidance, but I don't, at the same time. :/


In other news....I submitted an application for an apartment this week! I'm a big kid now!


Academically, this week has been ridiculous. Even to the point of being mildly stressful (even for me! And I don't care about school that much!). And to all those who had to deal with slight crabbiness, sorry. 


And also I miss Josh (it's been 3 weeks!) and I miss my mules (it's been 5 days!). And I'm ready to get out of here. So tomorrow afternoon I'm bailing on my classes and getting the heck home!


I finished up reading the New Testament this week. That was fun. And I was really excited to read Isaiah. Well. It's now day 2. And...Isaiah is not "easy to read" like Philippians, for example. I have 2 Bibles open right now. TWO! One so I can write notes in, and one so I can read the footnotes and understand what's happening, because this would have no purpose if I didn't understand it. This is the most self-disciplined I've ever been in my life. It would be neater if this was 9 pm instead of 12:30 am, but if I wasn't exhausted, then it wouldn't be discipline anymore.

Hahaha, if I studied this hard for school...well, I'd have no friends cause I'd be a nerd. However, what's this studying for if I don't apply it? Next week's goal: Affect people positively rather than negatively.